I was 18 and still a virgin. I was careful about who I dated and had dated a number of wonderful guys to that point. I was invited to a party at the home of a friend from my grade school days and when I met a guy at her party, he came highly recommended so I accepted a date to the drive in. We got there nice and early and walked around talking and spotting people we knew and it was pleasant. At one point, he held my hand, also pleasant. We grabbed popcorn and went back to his car (a very old wagon) and the movie started almost at the same time he did. He dived in for a grope and I explained the he was under the wrong impression. He laughed and said "one of us is" and I smiled and agreed. That was when he reached down and pulled out a butcher knife. "Get in the back bitch"
I know there was a moment when I didn't believe he was serious, there was a moment when the breath left me and finally there was a moment when I turned to him and kicked him with my red leather cowboy boot as I struggled with the door. I literally fell out of the car and rolled as he started it up and drove away calling me names as he did so. Apparently, I was a cock tease.
I found some friends (amazing male friends) and they took me right home. I later found out that my assailant had somehow fallen down a ravine and broken two legs and an arm (a feat that apparently took three "falls").
I didn't report it.
I blamed myself.
I might have sent the wrong signal.
I shouldn't have held his hand.
Maybe I was too flirty.
There's a song in the movie Grease that I always fast forward through...Stranded at the drive-in... It gives me the chills.
This morning, reading through the #BeenRapedNeverReported made me wonder about how often he got away with forcing girls into the back...is he still?
I noticed another few comments about flirting at the office and I well remember the "flirting" I put up with as a new kid in the office just so I wouldn't get fired or be seen as a problem. I think if you're a 40 something superior flirting with a 20 something subordinate (male or female) you should understand that they likely aren't flirting back so much as protecting their jobs.
My first full time job was as a hostess in the Toronto airport First Class Lounge for Air Canada in the late 70's. We were told that when someone grabbed our butt, we were to pivot away but we were NOT allowed to mention it or ask them not to. One beefy Liberal MP with a penchant for wearing a cowboy hat never passed up a chance to grab a handful. Politicians were allowed free alcohol (all top shelf) and made shockingly frequent use of it which made them disgustingly flirty. There were also CBC staffers we all warned each other about.
I should note that both Joe Clark & Pierre Trudeau were lovely to serve. Neither asked for alcohol and both were always deep in paperwork while in the lounge...The other leader ...not so much. He once yelled at me for daring to tell him and the 12 guests he'd brought in for a drink that I could only serve coffee or tea on a Sunday. He blustered and actually asked me "do you know who I am?" Sadly, I did as up until that day, I was a member of his party.
My second job brought a new set of problems. I was a file clerk at the City of Brampton and there was an elderly man (probably 40-50 but I was early 20's) who made it his mission to listen for me to open the files, he would then creep out of his office when my back was turned and squeeze himself between me and my desk so his penis would drag against my ass. The first few times it happened, I didn't say anything. It was a great job for someone just out of school and I didn't want to make waves. After a few weeks, I asked him to stop. When he didn't, I went to my boss...his answer ..."that's just George". That was the last time I ever silently accepted a man touching me unless I asked.
I'm blessed with a life rich with the kind of men any woman would be lucky to have in their lives. I we'll know that 90% of men are good and caring people who would not put up with this nonsense if it happened to any woman they know (or didn't) so maybe it's time that all of these stories we have come out so our husbands, brothers and sons have their eyes opened.
I don't know a single woman who doesn't have a few of these stories at least.
